Oh no you didn’t.
One week in. #embroidery #idlehands #needlework #WIP
It happens to the best of us. (This is great!)
had to pay tuition today because i haven’t dropped courses yet.
It’s all coming back as soon as I officially drop everything but oh god I feel sick looking at that number in my bank account.
i want the kind of funding that scientists in comic books have. where are you getting this money? do you publish papers or do you just turn people into giant lizards and call it a day? do you have to get that shit peer reviewed? who is paying for your research? can you give me their email address
i have googled ‘evil science grants’ and the results were not satisfying
I went and saw another of my professors today.
This is the class I was most heartbroken to be dropping. It’s taught by a really incredible professor, on a topic I’m really interested in, and would do well for my Immersion requirements. I had a course with the professor when I was in third year and really enjoyed it. I love the way this man teaches—and I love speaking with him, because it’s always fifty-fifty English-French in whatever language the thought arrives in, which I find really endearing.
But I went into his office today and he remembered my name—which is silly, because third year classes are still like, fifty people, he didn’t need to remember me this well—and he saw my face I guess because he immediately told me to sit down
and I told him I needed to drop the course because I was depressed and I was really sorry about it and couldn’t look at him
and he immediately got up and came over to me and said “Come here, come here” and kissed both my cheeks and said “I will talk to you as I would my child, listen,” and then told me about when he had been depressed in his life (and the circumstances around it, which was a kind of amazing story but really not my place to share)
and then he said (intermittently in French and English), “Listen, you take the time to deal with this. You face it head on. Promise me you will go outside and go to movies and ride your bike, whatever it is to make you smile” and I was getting teary and emotional and he laughed a little and said, “Why the tears? You’re brilliant!” and I said “No, I don’t think so—” and he said “Nonsense! You are brilliant, you are a student like — like this!” and he gestured up near his face as if to indicate like, VERY HIGH QUALITY STUDENT YES and then he said “You have your whole life, your whole life to figure this out. You will be ok! You will face this and take medication or do whatever you need to do for yourself. Do not worry about school. School will still be here, and I am sure you will succeed! You’re brilliant, you’re lovely, you have a wonderful smile, you will go very far I am sure. But until then, promise, promise, promise me you will go to the movies!”
He told me he wished I was keeping the class but only because he was selfish and wanted me in his course. Then he told me to come by his office to talk about it any time because he remembered what it was like—and then told me not to feel guilty, he gave me this look he said “People like us, we feel guilty too much, we take everything so harshly! But do not feel guilty about taking care of yourself.”
I just need to remember someone said these things to me at one time.
I need to remember that I believed him.
It seemed like just yesterday I was wearing sundresses and sandals and now, it’s that weird in-between weather where you have to put on layers (because a coat is still too heavy). My morning routine is twice as long these days because I’ve been wasting time debating whether I…
Your required dose of King Henry V on your dashboard. Yes, required. Enjoy.
feeling incredibly overwhelmed and crying about it is not great when i have a homework assignment to finish/take to library for editing and printing in the next two hours and a doctor’s appointment this afternoon